


You're never less at night

by manesalex



Series: Running out of time [3]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes is an Unreliable Narrator, Kidnapping, M/M, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, drugged, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23060695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manesalex/pseuds/manesalex
Summary: Alex Manes is rescued and he struggles with the knowledge of what his friends gave up to get him back.
Relationships: Alex Manes & Kyle Valenti, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Running out of time [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1657312
Comments: 3
Kudos: 63





	You're never less at night

The drugs they’ve kept Alex on are making him woozy again. The hood they have over his head prevents him from seeing anything, but he focuses as best he can on counting their steps as they half drag him forward, out of the van. He’s tried to keep track of everywhere his captors have moved him. It’s the least he can do. Though he’s well aware he can’t account for the time he spent unconscious after he was captured.

He only remembers bits and pieces of the event itself. Mostly Buffy barking angrily from inside his cabin. He remembers being thankful, in that moment, as he slid into unconsciousness, that she was safe inside. That she wouldn’t get hurt. The assholes who had him might be a lot of things, but he hoped they wouldn’t hurt a dog that wasn’t a threat.

And then it was capture. Being too drugged to do much of anything. Which means Alex’s father isn’t in charge of this, even if he is involved. Alex can't even be certain it's military that has him. No, whoever is running it isn’t underestimating Alex.

Now, after countless days of capture, he’s being moved to yet another location.

“Where’s the prosthetic?” Alex jerks, surprised at the sound of Max Evans’s deep and even voice.

“Promised him. Nothing more, nothing less,” one of the men replies.

“Remove the hood,” Jenna’s voice joins Max’s, a hint of carefully controlled anger in hers.

And, moments later, there’s sunlight, too bright, that has him blinking and fighting to adjust after too long in the dark.

Once he does, he sees Jenna and Max standing in front of him, looking completely casual.

“You have the tech,” Max says, nodding toward something that-

 _Fuck_. They’re handing over Michael’s ship. Michael’s way home. For him. Just another thing he’s taken away from the man he loves. No matter how much he’s learned, no matter how much more capable he is of fighting back now, it’s never enough to protect Michael.

He doesn’t have time to object to the trade as he’s shoved forward, straight at Max Evans. And they’re on the move again, Max pulling him with him toward Kyle Valenti’s van.

He’s being shoved in the backseat and he’s trying not to protest the hands grabbing at him as everything spins and his stomach revolts.

Kyle’s face appears above him and his vision is swimming and everything sounds like he’s underwater. Kyle is trying to say something, but there’s so many other voices too. And far too many hands still grabbing at him.

“Give him space!” Kyle’s voice cuts through the chaos and it settles a bit, just as the car starts and they’re moving.

He knows Kyle wants to do his job, to check him over. But he simply sits next to Alex, handing him a water bottle and helping him take a couple of sips.

As his vision starts to settle again, he takes it all in. Max is up front, driving, Jenna sitting shotgun. Kyle is next to him, not too close. And, in the seat behind them, Liz and Isobel. And _Michael_.

Alex turns away, scooting down and placing the seat between them as the guilt takes over again. Michael was _right_. Alex is the worst thing that ever happened to him. And, no matter how he tries, he keeps on taking everything away from Michael.

He sits still as Kyle starts to fuss over him, looking over him for wounds Alex knows he won’t find. He lets Kyle do his job as his mind spins, focusing on all the things he should have done. He should have escaped when they were moving him. Screw the drugs, he should have _tried_. Let them shoot him. Let them kill him.

Maybe he should have bled out in the desert all those months ago. If he had, maybe Michael would be happier. He’d have been able to move on with Maria. His mom would still be alive. 

“We should get him to the hospital,” Kyle interrupts his reflections.

“No,” he finally speaks. His voice doesn’t sound like his own. “Check me over all you want. At my cabin. I’m fine.” He needs to get away from all of them. All these people he’s failed. And he needs to see Buffy. He’s failed her too, in so many ways. But she doesn’t make him feel it.

He can see Max nod and change direction.

They’re all silent, not looking at him, and Alex just wishes he could disappear.

They finally reach the cabin and Alex is about to jump headfirst out of the van and away from everyone. Until he remembers that his prosthetic is gone and the shame hits him again at _needing_ their help.

Kyle helps him out of the van and Michael is hovering like he wants to help. Because of course he does. Even after all the ways Alex has hurt him, Michael is too good to leave when Alex needs him. No matter how much he should.

The cabin is dark and cold when they make it inside, the entire group following Kyle and Alex. They’ve all witnessed his humiliating attempt to make it up the stairs with Kyle’s help. Kyle helps him over to the couch and he curls up on it, still wishing he could escape.

Max is starting a fire and Jenna is watching out the window, while Isobel rushes around the cabin. Liz is in the kitchen doing _something_. Kyle is examining him and Michael is still hovering.

“Maria is on her way with Buffy,” Isobel cuts in, leaning over the couch and laying a blanket over Alex. And she takes one look at him and turns around, quickly turning her attention to the rest of the group, “Out!” she shouts. “Alex will talk to you all when he’s ready.”

He’s never been so grateful that everyone seems to listen to Isobel Evans.

Alex watches as Max, Jenna, and Liz all head to the door.

“You too,” Isobel says, turning to Michael, tone firm.

“But I-”

“Out.”

Michael glances past her at Alex helplessly and Alex, well, the part of him that wants Michael to stay forever wars with the guilt over failing him again.

“I’m okay, Guerin,” Alex says, trying for reassuring. He is feeling much better with fewer people here. And the drugs are clearing from his system.

Michael frowns, but he heads out the door with Isobel close behind and Alex finally lets himself relax fully on the couch.

He lets Kyle finish checking him over and listens as his friend rambles about some terrible date he went on. He knows Kyle doesn’t expect him to speak or pay attention, that he’s just trying to make Alex feel more normal, and he appreciates it.

It’s not long before Maria shows up with Buffy, who bolts toward him faster than he’s ever seen her move.

And then Maria leaves too and it’s just him, Kyle, and Buffy.

“He was a mess, you know,” Kyle says softly as he leans back on the couch. Alex doesn’t have to ask who Kyle is talking about. “I mean, none of us knew what to do and… It was hard on all of us, but Guerin? He was… Getting you back was the only thing that mattered to him.”

“And look what it cost him,” Alex replies, eyes on his own hands as he continues to pet Buffy. She’s already content, snoring on his lap.

“I don’t think he sees it that way,” Kyle responds carefully.

“Maybe not now,” Alex concedes. “But he will someday. When I’ve failed him again in some other way.” He sighs, “I keep failing you all, Kyle.”

“Dude,” Kyle’s voice is firm, “Without you, I’d never have gotten that last message from my dad or found out what happened to him. Isobel would probably have stabbed someone without your help with all the Noah stuff. Rosa would be without ID and have to be a fucking ghost. Max would still be dead and Liz would still be a mess about that. Jenna’s sister would still be locked up. Maria told me how you've helped her with her mom. And Michael… It's pretty obvious how much you've sacrificed to keep him safe."

Kyle takes a deep breath and continues before Alex can object. “You’re not responsible for everyone’s problems, Alex. You can’t constantly work yourself to the bone and give up everything you have or want for yourself for everyone else. It’s not healthy. You take care of all of us. Let us take care of you, okay? We all love you, man.”

Alex doesn’t know how to respond to that. He wants to argue, to list the many ways he’s not enough for any of them, the ways he’s not worthy of their love. He wants to run away.

“And you’re going to get plenty of practice being taken care of because you’re going to have someone here round the clock. I know they drugged you with something and, as I have no clue what it is, what side effects it will have, or if it’ll give you awful withdrawal symptoms, you need someone here to make sure it doesn’t kill you.” He pauses. “So get used to the love.”

After all of that, Kyle changes the subject again, turning toward the TV and suggesting they watch some cooking competition show he’s gotten into.

After a while, Alex finally lets the droning voices on the TV screen and Buffy's warmth on top of him lull him to much needed sleep.


End file.
